Mindless thoughts about abuse.

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s when a good swift slap to the ass was the way to punish a child.  Now with having children at the ages of 10, 9, and 5 in 2010 things are so different.  In a few different states they have made it illegal to spank a child.  The use of nonadvasive punishment is the way to go now.  I think that it all depends on the situation and the CHILD.  I look at how children are now-a-days and they are much more cocky and disrespectful to their elders.  I grew up saying ‘hello sir’ and ‘hello  ma’am’ not it is ‘hey Bob’.  What ever happened to children saying Mr. or Mrs.?  I still use the terms with people older than me or stragers.  I might use a persons first name after I get to know them a bit.  But I am getting off target I am talking about punishment. 

My 10 year old has bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and aspergers.  Trust me he does not think like the ‘normal’ child.  As a parent it is freaking hell on the psyche.  He also use to be self abusive and punched himself quiet often.  He also has some violent tendencies.  Punishments hardly ever work with him.  Some how he finds a way to make all the attention that he gets enforce his behavior whether it is negative or positive attention.  Peopl told us to put him hin the corner till he calmed down.  Well then we would have to stand there with him to basically force him to stand there otherwise he would just follow us around.  And the whole time he would be screaming.  On shrink told us to spank well as a psych major myself I eventually saw us spanking him as reinforcing his violent tendencies and he would become more aggressive with his younger brother and sister.  So much worse to the point that caught him once strangling his sister.  And before anyone says anything about it he was admitted to a psych ward at a hospital to get a medication change.  In fact he has been in that same hospital around 6 or 7 times.  One moron counsoler told us to use the token system for him.  Well his brother and sister were earning tokens for good behavior and doing chores and he was not.  We tried this for a few months and with the tokens they could buy things with the tokens be it a new toy, an ice cream, or even get to pick out a movie to watch.  His brother and sister bought themselves many different things and each time he would scream and yell and throw things around because he didn’t get anything.  Well the hard fact is that he didn’t give a shit and didn’t even try.  That was part of his ODD he would do the opposite that we wanted him to do.  He would sneak and do what ever he wanted to do, even if that meant that he would wait till everyone was sleeping and be as quiet as he could to sneak.  Well finally we found the answer and that was behavioral therapy.  We got it signed off by his psychiatrist, pedotrician, and child advocate.  It is sever therapy that takes like forever to work but IT IS WORKING!!!!!!!!!!  Months of having stronger punishments that needed is working.  No we are not torturing him or anything like that.  He sits in time out.  but longer than usually time outs.  We also have a schedual with it.  Ground zero is when he is sitting with no privaliges.  Then after that stage he works his way up to sitting on the couch to watch TV with the family.  The next step is that he get one toy to play with then another and so on.  If he does something bad he drops back a step and if it is really bad he starts back at ground zero.  We actually had a two month spand where he was perfect or so we thought.  we looked back on those months and he pushed his bounderies to see what he could get away with and if he would be punished.  As parents we did not want to punish him again so we just told him not to do it and to behave.  That is the wrong thing to do with this therapy because when he did do something to warrant ground zero again it took forever to get back to the utopia that we wanted.  We needed to punish according to the plans even during his good times and then we wouldn’t have had so much trouble later on.  This process has been going on for almost 2 years and we have seen some improvments in some areas so that is a plus.  He does not hit himself anymore though he is still sometimes overly aggressive to his siblings.  On occasion he will still throw hour or two hour fits but that has improved also.

The worse part is how others see this therapy.  Most of the people in his school are on our page but we have been told by one of his teachers that this therapy is wrong.  And she was not even a teacher she was what they call a Para kind of like a teachers aid.  I pondered to the principal on how a para knows more than 3 different doctors that agreed with the therapy.  So she got in trouble for her comments.

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